Category Archives: Love

the gushy mushy stuff

Love

A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities. – William Arthur Ward.

IMG_20170513_215043_053Cheers to seven years with my darling Leon ♥ this year we celebrated a little early because of life lol. since today is Mothers day and tomorrow leon has work. but last night we went to Black Rock Grille (“it’s more than just a meal, it’s an experience”) haha. even with calling ahead the wait was very long!!! we “experienced” a wonderful meal together lol and got all dressed up :) a lot of people asked if he proposed because i posted a picture online and thought he would have, but… NOPE! lmao. still waiting! patience is a virtue ;) but it is funny because not just me, but OTHER people are starting to hassle him about it lol, LOVE it! & I Love Leon! I love the ground under his feet, the air over his head, everything he touches, and every word he says. I love all his looks, all his actions, him entirely and altogether!

Today, as I have said & as the the world (or is it an american thing?18519835_10155310550879591_7201092937628085978_n lol) knows, it is Mother’s Day! Where, who, would we be without our mothers? Happy Mothers Day to every Mom out there & Mom’s who are no longer with us. You’re appreciated more than words & loved beyond measure! IMG_20170515_134745_769Of course a special Happy Mother’s day to my Mom ♥ & Grandmother! This morning/afternoon leon and i met up with my uncle, aunt, cousin, gma, sister, & mom at this Mothers Day Brunch for breakfast etc :) it was very nice! we all got dressed up, spent some time together, enjoyed yummy food galore, and exchanged gifts! A wonderful day! Being happy never goes out of style!

Truly Special

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My students graduated 3rd grade catechism this week!!!!! Can’t believe another year is over! My two sweethearts i will remember forever. this small class was such a special one :) a lot of fun and special memories were made with the three of us ♥ on the last day i took them on an exploration of the church in and out, going through all the statue’s and meanings etc, took a lot of pictures because i dont ever want to forget these cutie’s!

18119562_10155259433064591_2967730622926130062_nthis week was also memorable with moreeee as leon turned 29! his last year in his twenties!!! we got together with some friends and IMG_20170427_232437_621went to b-dubs etc and had some fun. the draft was going on on the same day and jason p was celebrating his bday as well so all the guys were happy! we were all going to go to the casino and texas de brazil too another day but that fell through lol. b dubs with friends was just fine for him lol. we all had a good time and thats what he wanted. Just want him happy because that is what he makes me! Every moment of my life is so special for me, because I have a wonderful, caring and truly special person by my side. I am so happy that you are mine Leon, Happy Birthday, my sweetheart!!!!

V-Day 2017

In the spirit of today, Valentine’s Day here are our “date’s”:

Met 👫 6th Grade
Dating 🌹 May, 2010
Together 💖 2,467 Days

For V-day this year we didn’t celebrate too hard again lol. We made chili together at home and it was what made us happy :) no flowers, chocolates, or special dinner’s (although I WILL have us celebrate our seven year anniversry this may!) haha but in all seriousness it is a rare day that i don’t thank God for you! i love you Leon Calvert! your my best friend! ♥ happy 7th valantine’s day babe! IMG_20170312_165528_687

Ten Year Warrior

this month marks TEN YEARS i have been diagnosed with uncontrollable Epilepsy!

68243be24d78b3868197e8d65c39fc30looking back on this past decade there have been many ups and downs and my disorder has manifested itself in a number of different ways resulting in me loosing independence, my rights to drive machinery, and my ability to maintain any part time job. these hurdles eventually broke me down as a person but over time i learned patience, acceptance, and found my inner strength! for many years i would cry and plead with anyone for an answer as to why me?! why do i have this burden? i would wake up confused from seizures and sob wondering “when will they stop? when will this end?” but as i grieved the old me, i learned about the new me….

over the years i found a part of me that i did not know existed, and with that i am thankful for my disorder. the burden i once carried became a fight i was proud to win each day! my relationship with my higher power became stronger and my inner being began to grow as i learned to adjust month after month, year after year. i am always and still learning more about myself as i am a constant work in progress. i have embraced gratitude and am thankful for the good and do my best to see the good in the bad. my negative mind is now a positive one as i battle each day, each week, each month, and each passing year as an epilepsy warrior.113855-glowing-purple-neon-icon-people-things-people-child2

my greatest achievement however is to have chosen a very strong partner who I will have been happily with for six years this year! he provides me with the will power i need everyday to be the best me i can be. looking back on these years i know I could not have done it alone, and thanks to my boyfriend Leon and God – i didn’t have to! I am lucky! Lucky to be here today, lucky to be an epileptic, lucky to have the support group i do, and lucky to be able to share my story as i embark on the next decade as an Epilepsy Warrior

 

Best Yet

six years! me and leon have officially been together six crazy amazing fabulous years! he is my number one person who might just be funnier than me and definitely is the most considerate person i know BY FAR. Leon is totally selfless and never fails to put others or his leading lady first. He makes me smile, keeps me warm, calls just to chat, and tells me when i’m wrong. He fully understands me and never asks me to change, just to be the best me i can be or maybe to lower my voice a bit lol :) i love him so much! i am truly blessed to have him in my life and as my partner! ♥ IMG_20160521_213306for our anniversary we didnt do anything special on the day of – he had work on sunday all day and for dinner we made chilly and went to bed early lol, just a normal day :) but i love normal days with him just as much as special romantic days!  later that weekend he surprised me with a trip to Mackinac city and island! it was SO MUCH FUN! we had an awesome road trip together talking and IMG_20160521_213225goofing off the whole way. we stopped at some favorite spots and got a hotel in the city. we explored the city on friday and the island on saturday. we shopped and got lots of goodies! i even got more salt & pepper shakers for my collection :) lol we had this awesome dinner reservation at this fancy restaurant and the food was so good! augh, so good! im hungry writing this haha. we laughed the entire dinner, laughed in every store, laughed in the pool, in the room, ahh it was a blast! my cheeks hurt and leon was snorting in public bahahah. friday night we had this awesome bonfire on the beach just for us under the full moon with wine <3 how lovely lol i loved it and didnt want the night to end! before we left mackinac we crossed the bridge to the UP, just to do it, haha. on our way home we stopped in gaylord at leons aunts house and had fun there! all through-out the weekend i didnt have a seizure or episode once, it was fabulous! BEST ANNIVERSARY YET!

In My Pee

abby turned 3 :'( she was so cute when we sang happy birthday blowing out her candles! amy made her a cake and dumplings for dinner and gave her gag candles that wouldnt go out! lol she thought it was so funny! after opening a few gifts they gave her a new play kitchen that she freaked out over! lol she was so excited! it was so fun to watch. later that night i had 3 nocturnal seizures =/ i was surprisingly not tired the next day. today however i had another one, at the mall! :( okay here is the story:

IMG_20160515_230747abbys birthday party with family and her little friend was at the macomb mall at this bounce house place, it was a lot of fun and she had a blast! you couldnt get her to stop having fun lol. after her cake and presents me and leon went off into the mall to go looking for a reunion dress.. after we picked a couple out i headed into the dressing room. leon said i tried on one and then didnt come out again, he heard me making noise and told the attendant to come check on me! she did and i was on the floor seizing, blocking the door. she had leon come back there to help her. he came in and got me somewhat alert. once i woke up i realized where i was and then that i had lost control of my bladder during the seizure. i was sitting there on the floor in my underwear and bra, in my pee :( i started panicking about it not knowing what to do and leon and the lady told me everything would be okay. they got stuff to clean me up, clean up the floor, threw away my underwear, got me clothes, and made sure i didnt have a concussion or need an ambulance as i hit my head on the wall =/ i was able to walk out with leon and he drove me home, got me in the shower and in bed or sleeping and now im awake ♥ he is the most amazing person in the world! at the time i was so embaressed but overall i thought about it, i was in a girl dressing room, not many people saw me, and i will never see any of those people again, it was at macomb mall. i survived another seizure! boom!

tomorrow is me and leons six year anniversary <3 i am blessed!

CBD 4 Epilepsy

hey hey hey! well last friday i ended up having 3 big grand mal nocturnal seizures (sleep seizures) last week friday =/ i slept a lot after that and more saturday of course after three of them! recovery is longer and more sore the more i have. but leon is the best and pampering and giving me all the hugs and kisses i need and the dogs are awesome at giving me the cuddles i need too ♥ today i am doing much better and havent had any since! :)

IMG_20160429_012024wednesday was leons birthday! he turned 28! i hate that we keep getting older! lol i want to stay young foreverrrrr and then some! haha for leons birthday we didnt go and do anything bIMG_20160429_203926ut have some ice cream cake because on firdayyyyy we went out to dinner with his family to his favorite restaurant in detroit, texas de brazil! yum i love their lobster bisque soup! lol just incase who ever is reading this wants to know! go there and eat that stuff! earlier in the afternoon mother waddles came and picked up the lumina. yay for donating running cars for the needy! i feel all karma filled lol.

IMG_20160501_005155okay SO today – today was the THC expo at the eastern market in detroit! we went and signed some people up, saw some old school friends, talked a lot with antony fabode lol name drop oops.IMG_20160430_143600 then we walked aroundddd – bought a lot of crap we didnt need of course and then leon met an old red wings hockey player which was cool. he even gave him a jay. leon felt pretty damn cool about it lol. we also signed petitions. and we got me some Charlottes Web Oil! 500mg right now with plans to move up eventually to 5000mg as it takes a long time to get to a theraputic dose! i am so excited and have so much hope!

365 & 2000 & 29 days

HEY HEY HEY!!!! guess what?@?!! its Epilepsy Awareness Month! lol its a big deal around these parts! or at least i try and make it a big deal. to be honest. there isnt anyone in my family or friends that is ohhhh awareness, go purple for me to support my epilepsy. which is okay. i can fight for me. im an epilepsy warrior ;) SO for epilepsy awareness month i just put info out there every once in a while, but really i do that 365 haha sorta, not everyday, dont wanna overload and be annoying! #purple #awareness #overload

anyyyyyyyways. today is november 5th and me and leon have been dating 2000 days! whoa! also ITS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH. which is why november is the best. ha. for my birthday we are celebrating it on the 28th, the night before my acctual birthday and possibly having a second thanksgiving at my dads house on the 29th, my day. SO on the 28th to celebrate we are going out to dinner in down town detroit at one of our favorite restaurants, texas de brazil. yumm! then go down to the casino together and have fun. i requested (because im a spoiled brat and think i deserve everything) a small present from him as well lol. im an ass. but whatever! we didnt do valentines day! and our 5 year (which idk i was kinda thinking was going to be something special because it was FIVE) was kinda blah at home with nice food. again, im an ass! then outta no where he said he has something small planned for the morning or before part. hmm. he is too awesome i must say. sheesh i mean, twooooo thousand days?! my oh my it feels like 1 year but forever at the same time lol ♥ perfect ♥

IMG_20151114_213632so far for my birthday month my grandma of course spoiled me xoxo lol and got me two pairs of leggings, a really nice sweater and this cute mug with boxer dogs on it and my name on it :) shes adorable. i love her! thank you for supporting me in my 29 days of cassie! hahhahaha and of course for my gifts!

 

Pop Pop Pop

My ears have been popping like crazy! Yay! And I can hear again! So I’m pleased to say that is nearing the end. I haven’t had an pain for quite a while as I’ve said before but the muffled sound and not being able to hear has been frustrating. So, let’s just say right now I’m too happy to hear again to complain about the constant popping noises in my ears lol. I’m too much, I’m the complaint queen! Also on a health happy note, my UTI is healed and over. Gross to blog about but hey, its real and it happens. Don’t read this grandma but I’m pretty sure I got it from lack of not peeing after sex lol. I cured myself with AZO a new pill on the shelf that fixed the issue in 2 days. Super pleased.

Okay enough with the TMI stuffs…

IMG_20150515_021147 IMG_20150515_214905Yesterday, Friday, was me and Leon’s 5 year anniversary!! xoxo I’m so blessed! I made him a banner that said happy five years and hung it up for him to see when he woke up and a little stack of handmade coupons for him to cash in :) in the morning I woke to a beautiful potted plant of orchids in full bloom and a touching card in his messing kid style handwriting lol. Later that night we went out and bought steaks, snow crab legs, corn on the cob, and cheesecake for dessert! We had fun making it together and had lots of leftovers! Dinner was awesome, the movie was great, and cuddling falling asleep in his arms is the best xoxo

 

Blog Fail

you know whats extremely annoying? when you write an entire blog, post it, and the entire thing gets deleted! all that writing done that needs to re-done! haha SO why did it delete? the blog started with me typing from my cell. i recently downloaded an app that has the apple smileys on my keyboard! yay! i love them lol. ive been putting them everywhere ;; twitter, instagram, facebook etc. so i was pleased to see that on my phone i was able to use them on here too! or, so i thought! i wrote basically what i just explained then used an emoji or six haha then continued my blog entry and posted… went to review the post and, boom – the entire entry ended after the first emoji that was not present. lol, fail! im still pleased about my emoji app though! lmao

so, onto my re-posting which, i probably dont remember what i wrote because it was last as i was trying to fall asleep. well clearly not trying to sleep as i was posting, and i know better and shouldnt havent been on my phone – but i was! (cassie youre dumb, you have epilepsy you idiot!)

at 4am today leon woke me up and i had to get the laundry from next door dryer as i forgot it there. so embaressing! omg and then i dragged the trash to the curb -ew- so they can take it away as leon took a shower and got ready for work.

truth? tense. i suppose. right now theres some tight money issues to thats kinds the household problem right now but im trying to be there for leon as he handles all the financial burden. hes amazing. xoxox

Paintball and Casino Fun

hello, i played paintball!!! =O haha i know right?! one weekend we went out to a paintball field, leon got me all suited up with equipment and gear and i was off! lol it was so scary at first, i felt so lost but once you’re out there, your adrenaline is running so high its a BLAST! IMG_20140614_154511 when you get hit it doesn’t hurt like you think it would, its more like a shot .. hurts initially then its over. it leaves a mark but it doesn’t hurt unless you poke at it directly lol. while we were out there leon was directing me what to do etc – at one point we were both behind the same bunker, his gun was down i suppose and he “accidently” hit me in the back lol. all i remember is screaming MOTHERFUCKER! lmao it’s almost 3 weeks later and the mark is finally going away lol. but it was so bad because of how close it was. last weekend we went again just so leon could play, it was a chicago tournament practice – he was kicking ASS! lol i was so proud to be the girlfriend on the sidelines screaming he’s mine and giving him directions so he could do good. one part that was HILARIOUS was he was playing and his pants fell straight to his knees lmfao! it was so funny, everyone was laughing. i enjoyed it. i will deffinately play again in the future! and i will deffinately come to watch him more ♥ :)

last week Thursday the 12th leon and i went to the hotel in Detroit as i mentioned we were going to before. and we had a BLAST! once we got there we inspected our hotel room like little kids lol. IMG_20140612_205259 our mini bar which included a romance kit lol; 2 condoms, lube, and a lovers game lmao! no we did not use it! but it amused us. the tub was so fabulous! IMG_20140613_132132 i took advantage of that! the robes the provided, if you take them (which you can if you want) cost $100 each! whoa! king suite we had :) VERY nice! we enjoyed the casino buffet which was amazing and had everything you could imagine, we had so much fun gambling doing slots together and ended the night at about 3am with room service – yum! it was the first time both of us had ever gotten room service before =P was very good!IMG_20140613_134144 in the morning after we checked out we hit up the slots again lol for about 2 hours before we headed home. leon calculated that with dinner, room service, gambling, etc we spent about $120! not bad for a super fun night with my love! so this was our “make up anniversary” i kept joking to him saying happy four years and four weeks <3 anyways to those who havent read past posts, leon and i were able to stay at the hotel/casino suite for free! we won two free night stays when we first came to the casino! this is the first night we have used, so now we have a whole other night to look forward to! :) and i am most surely looking forward to a repeat of this entire night/day! xoxo

Four Year Fail

sorry for the lack of posting since mothers day and Abby’s birthday… i was going to post after me and Leon celebrated our second anniversary .. and i plan on it still however things became delayed. our real anniversary was before Abby’s party on the 15th :) four years! crazy! IMG_20140515_182739 leon surprised me with two Pandora charms ♥ the music note and a star charm, two charms i wanted~! i make sure he knows what i want haha. i added the charms he got me to my pandora page. our anniversary he worked and then that night we were going to go to a simple movie as we had plans to go to the casino/hotel a week later .. we ended up not agreeing, fighting and not talking the majority of the night =/ figures. the night ended up sucking. lovely anniversary. yay for four years! lol but nothing important just stupid disagreements.Deluxe King then our plans changed for when we were going to the hotel. so we ended up doing nothing on our anniversary to save money for no reason because we still haven’t gone to the hotel until June 12th lol. oh well, i’m still excited and still looking forward to it. the room is booked. we have a king suite! the pictures look super nice! i’m pumped! as i keep saying! lol

last weekend was memorial weekend – me, Leon, his mom, sister, and Abby went to the local outdoor mall. it was lovely outside, lots of people there with their kids and pets! we brought Dozer with us =P he loves trips of course and loves people and other animals. hes always up to play with anyone~! however he had so much while we were out shopping he stopped several times in the middle of stores to rest and sleep lol. 20140525_165303 while we were there i got a new phone case that i needed, leon did as well. i also got an awesome new bathing suit i needed. it was a $110 suit but the sale was buy one get one free, so i split the cost with Amy and we each got a suit! nice deal! stoney creek is scheduled for june 27th so ill be sporting it then! :) i should start tanning now! lol of course then Monday was memorial day – Leon and i didn’t go out or do anything =/ me and Leon spent the day home getting some house work done, it was  BEAUTIFUL outside! but so hot too! i was jealous of everyone outside having fun with their families etc :( i wanted to be out doing something too but unfortunately our plans were to go to the the Gibraltar fair, but they didn’t open this year on memorial weekend so we opted for house work, this weekend they are open :) yay! lol today we went to the movies and say the new X-Men days of future past movie that came out and tomorrow we are going to the fair and then the mom to mom expo sale! yay! =P the movie was really good! i would never watch marvel movies on my own but i’m always pleasantly surprised at how great they are! but not just marvel, so many good movies are out and good movies are coming out this summer! i am also excited about that too! lol

Nurse Cassie

toothache to an earache =[ Leon was having both those for a day or two but then Thursday night he called me 2 AM while at work not doing good at work. he even went to medical and said he was feeling faint. he wanted to go to the ER once he got out of work but didn’t want to leave then, wanted to stay until close because we need the money :( i feel horrible because he took a day off the week before for me, taking care of me for my epilepsy etc. but then he was in so much pain but didn’t take off work for him. he is so amazing, he puts me before him. he got out of work at 4:30 am and came home to get me. we took a joint to the hospital to smoke after shhh. once we got to the hospital they gave him a pain shot, pain medication, and antibiotics. we smoked on the way home shhh and stopped at a pharmacy for his meds. happy to say he fell asleep and the medication was helping him with the pain! he slept soundly all night and was able to go to work the next day. ♥

Leon did such a great job taking care of me i’m trying to do a good job taking care of him :) but its different with guys i think lol. he didn’t like too much cuddling when he isn’t feeling well – he would just rather relax on his own, which i understand. hoping he feels better soon! but as for the toothache he needs to see a dentist and get a cap or something i’m not too sure… unfortunately he doesn’t have dental insurance quite yet through his work but he will in 2 more years. before it gets really really bad we may need to find an educational dental place or something. we will find something.

anddddd a side salad (side note), i love my kitten Effy lol he is getting so big already! he follows me around and does the cutest things. on instagram i posted a video of him doing this “nursing” thing he does on the blanket sometimes. its so adorable!

Creative Fun

Sunday morning after Valentine’s day Leon woke me bright and early :) informed me we were going to Frankenmuth! it’s a cute little German tourist town about 2 hours away from us that hosts the worlds largest Christmas store! once he woke me up we got ready and he was so a eager to take me we, left SO early lol. he got off from work at 4AM and we hit the road at 9AM lol, with smokes in tow for a good time. we chatted the whole ride it was fun. they had a winter festival that just ended and all these beautiful ice sculptures! we walked the streets, went through each little store, talked non-stop, got some fudge, i got a gift, we had dinner at Zenders. but unfortunately Leon wasn’t in the mood for Christmas stuff just yet right after the holiday season so we didn’t go into Bronners :( i was sad but i know we always come back! i love living by Frankenmuth ♥ our second valentines day was a hit xoxo! he didn’t know it but i got him a second card and a box of chocolates that i gave him that morning too on top of his 52 card gift and normal ‘v-day card’ card. lol other all he’s so sweet and im so happy he thought up to take us somewhere. one second we can’t afford dog food and then the next we are splurging. i can never keep up! lol but :D i do notttttttt care about no money thats for sure! i just love me my Leon <3333 awe. gushy gushy i posted some pictures from the trip on instagram – you can check them out on there!

OH YEAH! 20140215_135748 - CopyLeon’s cousin Stephanie’s baby shower went great! we made another diaper cake and amy made a bear cake! the work she put into all night was crazy! 20140215_135734and the work we put into it getting the bear to the shower without damaging it was something too! lol this cake was the second bear cake she made for a baby shower. she does an amazing job! i tried helping but when it comes to icing it’s a one person job if you want it all coming out one way. what do you all think of the cake she made? i don’t remember where she got the mold from, no where special i don’t think, Walmart i think she said. hmm. anyways stephanie of course got lots of great stuff for her shower. her and kyle are still keeping the sex of the baby a secret =X lol well from themselves too. their top baby boy name is Chain. hmm not so sure how everyone feels about it. not too positive actually. i assume or suppose because ‘chain’ as a name is often reffered to as a rapper type name because of how many “chains” he wears around his neck, meaning how much money he has…? lol cassie is going off topic.

♥ TODAY IS DOZERS 2ND BIRTHDAY! today he turned 14 in dog years. me and Leon took him to the pet store and he got to get a new toy and got three cans got wet dog food for dinner for all the dogs in celebration cause they have no idea lmao i love it! then on the way home we stopped at wendys and went through the drive-thru where “he ordered” a kiddie burger =P

Super Peace

did you see the super bowl game? what about the half time show? super bowl Sunday we invited friends over for the game and i made hotdogs and my homemade pizza =P yum lol. not as many people showed up as we were planning so we had lots of food, but no complaints from anyone! haha as for the super bowl game it was apparently a horrible game and the guys were not pleased with the way it turned out at all! bummer. guess its more fun with neck n neck high scores? lol idk.

also with sports the Olympics 2014 have started! there is lots of “up roar” going on about the Olympics this year being held in Russia, apparently nothing was ready to accomodate the people etc. the hotels are disgusting and almost un-livable. no water! i doubt Russia hosts another event for a longggggg time! AND THE WORST PART, Russia admitted on having cameras in the hotel rooms spying on people! anddd then they stand there saying we are just trying to make them look bad!~ aughhh. i try to keep my nose out of the news because of all the stupid bullshit in the world. basically Russia took the Olympics money and pocketed it – probably for war, so lets stop pointing fingers and stop making them angry. :) MAKE PEACE NOT WAR!

moving on: update on my little niece Abby ~ she’s getting SO big and crawling all over the place now! her personality is just blossoming! and with her new found adventure its wonderful watching her inspect and learn about each new thing she see’s and touches! last week Amy and Jean were in the living room and here nothing but breathing right into the baby monitor while Abby was napping in her room. they went in there to see she pulled herself up for the first time standing in her crib <3 then she got her little hands on the monitor and was breathing into it/nawing on it lol xoxoxox love her so much!!!

all day every day: hey hey! me, leon, and his sister amy joined a gym in our area. previously we were at a gym that was more money and farther away but this one is just the oposite. i love this one cause it has tanning. my favorite part ha. but its nice just walking/running and loosing yourself in thought. :) leon is more hardcore about it, hes wearing hoodies, doing weights sweating his ass off. yuck i dont need to do no rocky style shit lol im just getting into it. im not unhappy with my body. i feel sexy the weight i am but its time to step in so it doesnt get to a point were i am unhappy. so cheers to staying happy with what i have <3

pink & red! valentines day is around the corner! i was on tumblr and saw people posting the 52 things i love about you DIY card idea as a gift, i never did that so i made that gift for leon and didnt want to wait until valentines day hahah so i already gave it to him! =P no body said you cant give gifts for no reason lol. what is everyone else planning for vday? ill be sitting at home alone lol. leon has work so i wont be seeing him but we will make up for it a day or so later when he has off work. we did the same thing last year. last year we went to red lobster for dinner, applebees for desert, and bowling :) my kinda date!

No Bells

i bring up marriage a lot to Leon. i’ve been talking about my wedding day through every boyfriend since i knew what a wedding was – didn’t care who the groom was, so wedding this n that, but with him its more real as we are in that age range and talk of future plans but i made a serious comment about marriage the other day about the impending wait on an engagemtent (time is ticking for me and my timeline as ill be 27 next month, he just turned 25) and he angrily snapped back with “i told you i wont even CONCIDER it until im 28 and that the answer your going to keep getting so stop asking about it!” floord. hurt. upset. confused. curious. hopeful. i kept my back turned from him keeping myself faced to the closet and continued getting ready as i secretly let my eyes water.

Forgetful Me

Wednesday bright and early me and the girls went to a friend of mine’s who is a professional photographer who specializes in newborn/baby pictures at her in home studio. it was fun going and seeing the set up, how it all works etc. these days you see a lot of naked baby portraits, we did one with Abby the rest in outfits, while getting her calm for her naked picture she ended up peeing all over Brittani lol – she was calm, didnt push Abby away from her and simply said in a cooing way ‘oh it feels so warm’ it was cute. she says it happens often, and with how many naked photos she takes, i believe it! while she changed we snuck a snap of Abby before we put her in the last outfit =P tumblr_mo080vOarx1rnoktoo1_500i would of course recommend Brittani to anyone in Macomb Michigan! during the appointment i got a phone call reminding me i had an appointment at this epilepsy clinic ive been waiting to get into for a while now, i confirmed and we went along through our day as normal – then Thursday came and went just as normal, then about 5pm it hit me, I MISSED THE APPOINTMENT! omg! how! why! wtf! i was so upset and pissed at myself for fucking up i went into my sleep and forget mode which derives from my major depression. i had my first ‘break down‘ crying spell which lasted a few hours of feeling sorry for myself. today i would say im not so sad anymore just upset/annoyed, i haven’t made any steps into working on fixing the appointment, fixing the insurance or medicine issues from Tuesday etc … i KNOW im running away but its the only thing that helps me not fall apart right now, feels like the best choice to stay away from suicidal thoughts.

 

REALLY RANDOM: this keeps going over and over in my head…

Therapist “have you ever made a suicidal plan? what was it?”
Me “i do this this this this this & this”
Therapist “wow. um. wow, you really put a lot of thought into this huh?”
Me “uhhh … i guess?”

Here & There

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Amy (mom) Abby (baby) Jean (gma)

PHEW! Hello again! Cassie’s back!! =p i have been so busy lately! with graduation parties, wedding showers, a major fight with my love, mothers day, dramatic mother issues, anddd the birth of my new niece! (my boyfriends sister whom .. well it will happen and I’ll be her aunt! lol)

hey! didja see the new layouts?! lol i like it lots! despite being crazy busy i put up a new layout, fixed up my quilting bee quilt, & had time for all the qbee activities! don’t know how i kept up with the internet world but i did, not my blog of course though. my blog has been fritzy because i messed up the coding and still don’t have the style i want, but working on it. i just had to get my blog up and going!

Now for the explanations ::: Grad party ~ my cousin Jessica graduated from a local state college, yay! Wedding shower ~ my boyfriend Leon’s cousin Stephanie is getting married! we celebrated the shower over their grandma’s and have plans to go up north a ways for the first weekend of june! ahh yay for hotels and small getaways! Cassie & Boyfriend fight ~ no need to go into details too much (even though i wrote and entire super long post about it, but felt it wasn’t necessary to post); basically in a three-day span he said some things that hurt me badly but he didn’t mean it that way then i lied to his face about something small and stupid, he caught me and in turn hurt his feelings. in the end, it is okay right now and we are enjoying a date night tonight :)

Mothers Day ~ Leon’s mom is in Virgina with his sister, we sent her a beautiful Pandora bracelet! as for my mom, i did not call her. Mom Drama ~ I cannot with my stress induced seizures take her abuse anymore. she must get psychiatric help and prove it to me that she is getting help and on a way to recovery before i will consider having a relationship with her again. New Niece ~ Abigail Marie was born on Mothers day! she is so tiny! i haven’t met her yet but they plan to come up for a week as soon as ‘Abby” (we all call her that already) is cleared to travel!

Bestfriends & Pixels

i guess i’ll continue where i left off which was Thursday .. on Friday i got up early and went out with Jean to the party store and Jo Anns for decorations etc =] was a lot of fun! after we went for some lunch at Big Boys then i was able to get back home and get Leon off to work. lol wow. the weekend was fun we had some friends over and watched our favorite shows, kinda did a couples thing with his best friend and his girlfriend on both sunday and monday. Tuesday was me and Leon’s “day” as we have every week, only he spent a lot of the time getting things he needed to get done, done … and also he played a lot of Xbox o.O haha and his main reason was because football season is coming up so he needs to re-familairize himself with teams and players for the draft, lmao okay sweetie whatever. then our roommate ended up hanging out with us for the night.. so not much ended up happening for “Cassie and Leon night” .. well of course we *couch* “played” together *cough* hahah anyyyways, today kayde came over early then i cleaned and soon before 3 i will get Leon awake, take a nap for an hour, get him off to work at about 4:30, hang out with myself for a while and possibly more cleaning if needed, then at about 8 kayde will come back over for some of our favorite shows and some bff time ;] THEN sleep at midnight because im back on  my sleeping schedule ♥

ps: Cassie, stop complaining about the difficulties of getting on track, people don’t want to hear it constantly! love me you and us lmao <3

welll welll welll alsooooo on theqbee each month they have an activity to do for pixeling etc, this month they are making pixeled coins, this is mine =] you like?entry213cassie i did each and every colored dot on my own yay lol i spent some time on it, and originaly i had planned to do a pastel rainbow with a four leaf clover in the center, however the pastels were much to light for the thin lines i made, so i adjusted it to bold basic rainbow colors, then when i went to make the clover i had in my head, it looked so horrible every time i tried lol, so i went simple with a heart :) in the activity it is requested that the coin in “shiny” so thus the lighting and glitter movement. im very happy with my submission. as i mentioned last month i sumbitted for last months activity of a chineese lantern – the voting is still in process and the results will be posted on the 17th! i am excited to see how i did as it was my first activity i participated in! i’ll most deffinatly post here what results came to! and of course for the coin too duh! stay updated!

Daily Grind

currently i am watching What Not to Wear and as usual (Kayde is always late! we call it Kayde time lol) I am waiting for Kayde to arrive for a quick visit. always important to have some girlIMG_20121102_004222 time! she’s coming over for a quick smoke before she has to stop and go to work, then after she leaves I will wake Leon, make him coffee & food, make his lunch all while he gets ready and we spend a small amount of time together … that would be my typical day – once everyone leaves I am alone in which I spend some more time watching more evening shows (love reality *cough more are fake cough* shows). somewIMG_20121115_004412here in there i feed myself dinner and sometimes go and visit Leons mom next door. Leon when he graduated bought the house next door to his parents as a short sale, its a fixer upper but thats where we reside. annnnnnnnywho I sometimes go visit with them as they are both retired, enjoy their company then go back to my little world at home. also, about three days outta the week Kayde will come back over for more evening shows and girl time when she gets off work. Wednesdays are reserved for me and Kayde – its like our movie night with no guys around. =] every Wednesday lol we rarely miss one. Tuesday evenings are reserved for me and Leon to spend time together. not specifically a date night where we go out, but we make sure no friends. its our one day (sometimes all day) we have together to get everything in our life in order, give us time to communicate, and enjoy eachothers company ♥

 

ps: i had another seizure last night =[

Icefishing

316ec4be7f0111e2a2c122000a1f9d4d_7yesterday morning Leon and i went out early, about seven am, to go out on the ice for some ice fishing! it was the first time i had ever been ice fishing so i wasnt too excited about it as it sounds cold and wet … two things i don’t like lol. we gathered what we needed, picked up some munchies from the store, picked up bait from the tackle store, then walked across the street to the canal, out to the anchor bay where tons of other people were set up fishing. i was surprised to see how many people enjoy ice fishing, i had no idea o.O lol. SO we got all set up, heater, our dog champ slept in there with us – we fished all day enjoying each others company, eating, smoking, and catching not many fish at all, haha. originally i wasn’t suppose to go at all! Leon had plans to go with our room-mate however he didn’t find out until 6 am that our room-mate was on call for work, and couldn’t go … i knew Leon was really excited to go, and i couldn’t see him not go :( so thats why i went on this spur of the moment ice fishing trip. IMG_20130224_230716even after yesterday he has still been asking all of his buddies to go out with him to fish, but everyone is “too busy”. honestly, a typical answer these days from most. anyways overall i had fun :) since my seizures i have now been feeling much better these past few days woo hoo! when depression hits its seriously annoying. i wish i had better control of my thoughts and feelings.